


Steve Rogers is Going to Hell

by ChibiSquirt



Category: Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Ultimates, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Fannish Knitting, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Knitting, M/M, Tony Stark's Red Thong of Justice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-24 10:59:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13212354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChibiSquirt/pseuds/ChibiSquirt
Summary: Steve, being an old-timey soldier from before current gender norms, knits.  That's... notexactlywhy he's going to Hell, but the two facts are definitely related.





	Steve Rogers is Going to Hell

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cap Iron Man Community](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Cap+Iron+Man+Community).



Steve Rogers is going to Hell.  He's pretty sure, anyway.

Like many men of his generation—particularly those who had been bedridden as much as he had—Steve is adept at a number of skills the new, "modern" world considers... feminine.  Unmanly.  He can darn a sock, all right?  Yes, and sew back on a button, too.  

And he can knit. 

But that's not why he's going to Hell.

 

* * *

  

Steve loves the internet; so helpful.  The internet has all sorts of things, but one of the things it has is a whole slew of websites with knitting patterns.  Ravelry, of course, but there are others, too.   He's on one of those websites when he gets the idea.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/152315641@N07/39409808222/in/dateposted-public/)

It turns out there's a [whole book](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004G8P2JG/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1) about it, so he buys the book; it's all kinds of useful.  It also turns out you can buy little eyes pre-made, so he goes online and orders a whole set of them for ten bucks.  Now he has enough eyes that he'll never need to buy them again for as long as he lives, and in all sorts of colors, too.  

Steve goes to an actual craft store to buy the yarn, because he doesn't quite trust the monitors to convey color, and definitely not texture.  He winds up with a simple set of yarns in straightforward colors (along with a dozen notions and a decorative cake mold) and heads home happy. 

Maybe, when he's done, he'll have enough yarn left over for a scarf.  That would be nice.

 

* * *

  

Beyond the general instructions in the amigurumi book, he doesn't really have a pattern for this, so he makes it up as he goes.  The head forms up straightforwardly enough—the eyes fit in easily, to his relief—and then it's time for stuffing. 

The stuffing goes in a little bit at a time.  It comes in a large bag, about the size of a bed pillow, and he only needs a tiny fraction of that for this project; he's going to have extra stuffing for _years._   He tears a tiny piece off the large main mass, stuffs it through the small aperture of the doll's neck, and then does it again.  There's something satisfyingly subversive about watching his thumb slip through the hole, pushing the white cotton wool.  

But that's not why he's going to Hell, either.

 

* * *

  

He tries to make the chest barrel-shaped, but the yarn doesn't really like that.  He puts the arms on stitch-holders while he knits around the rest of the chest and stomach, then switches yarn, picking up with a bright cherry color that's now seared into his memory.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/152315641@N07/38562066245/in/dateposted-public/)

But that  _still_ isn't why he's going to Hell.

 

* * *

 

Short rows are a pain in the butt.  If you're not a knitter, you can't know the pain of them.

But they _are_ necessary for a few things.  Steve always slips a few in the fronts of his sweaters, for one thing, because otherwise they're just too tight across the chest.

Basically, when you knit, you go from one side to the other of your... whatever-you're-knitting.  Say a sweater.  You go from the left side of the sweater to the right, then turn the whole thing around and go right to left, stacking the rows one on top of the other like Donald Duck eating corn on the cob. 

A short row, then, is a row where you only knit some of the stitches, usually the ones in the middle.  Rather than lying flat, the extra material will puff out, making a curve.  But because you're turning the piece halfway through the row—and then again, to go back the other way—short rows are a big hassle, frequently messy. 

You have to be really  _devoted_ to want to stick short rows in a thing.  You have to feel they're really  _necessary_ for whatever you're doing, like the project just wouldn't be right without them.

And  _that's_ why Steve is so sure he's going to Hell. 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/152315641@N07/38562064795/in/dateposted-public/)

His only hope is that Tony never, ever finds the doll Steve's made.  Or at least that Tony doesn't know enough about knitting to know what he's seeing.

 

* * *

 

 Luckily, when Tony inevitably _does_ find the doll, he is instantly distracted with another matter:

"Hey!  Why am I  _bald?!"_

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [No Idle Hands (The Bed Rest Remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13789686) by [Woad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woad/pseuds/Woad)
  * [Workout Sessions (The Through Knitting To Love Remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13789251) by [laireshi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laireshi/pseuds/laireshi)




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